Standing There Buck-Naked.

A friend told me about a blogger that makes $40,000/month. It wasn't too difficult to track her down. (With the help of Google.) I've followed it the last two weeks in my Reader, and I've discovered why it's so successful - she has sold herself and bares it all to the world. Today she talked about her daughter saying whatever she wants in public. The blogger...

*Side Note: I just bested THE FLY. Over these last three weeks, we've had a solitary fly doing kamikaze attacks to our heads, hands, and faces at all hours. Protected by a mithril shield and armor and blessed by Norse gods with lightning speed, THE FLY has prevailed. However, while writing this blog I just caught him one-handed, alive. I decided that being such a worthy opponent he should live (after all, how many flies are blessed by mythic gods and wear armor?). I took him outside and let him go. (Okay, I did give him a slight victory shake - kind of like playing a single bean maraca.)

So on with the blogger person. She said that life would be so easy if people could say whatever they wanted in public, and how difficult it is having to hold in all the bad thoughts in her head while in public. Yet she gets home and blogs to millions about the same thoughts she wanted to but couldn't say in public. Is there a difference?

She speaks her mind. She is cross, foul-mouthed, and calloused. But she sells. I guess as a blogger I have to find the place between talking over the wall and standing in public buck-naked.

Not Complete Alone

Well, I started blogging and I have realized an important discovery. I work better with an audience. (Okay, not an earth-shaking discovery.) While writing these past few days, I searched for things to talk/write about and found it difficult to really be myself. Then something magic happened: I received a comment. Immediately the dormant part of my brain woke up and I voiced my opinion in a tone that I didn't have to force. So, now I just have to write about things that people want to talk about so that I can gain an audience and can be myself. Kind of cart-before-the-horse thinking.

On our drive north to the matinee performance of "The Sound of Music," my wife and I were discussing this phenomenon. She expresses herself best in a closet. I need an audience. I feel people consider me an extrovert, but at the end of the day I am not. I try to think that I don't need the acceptance of others, but really I do. Where Rachel, who openly waits for others before she does her thing, is completely complete alone. I, like everyone, just need to belong, and I take far more stock in others' opinions, high or low, than I probably should.

The Rub.

Not having an audience is only the first half of the equation. I have read blogs, forums, message boards and the like since I first got on the internet in 1996. I have written maybe 20 posts in that time. I think that makes me an uber-lurker! I consider myself a writer, but it is hard for me to bear myself to the collective. Here it is, twelve years later and I have written my first three blog topics and feel I am already on the wrong proverbial road; and for someone whose site is based on proverbial proverbs, that's not good. Don't misunderstand me. I do realize that I don't have people reading my blog, but a person knows when they are not singing their own song. I have only ever written a couple of journal pages for this same reason: I think too much about the people who might read it. I fear the disapproval of others. My first three posts have been safe topics - politics and philosophy.

The Verdict.

I need to write about things that are meaningful and personal and not worry what others think. That sure is easier to type than to do.